What's So Good About Grief?

Good Grief!, by Erica McNeal, is a great book that I'd recommend for anyone.  More specifically, I'd say it's a reference manual for dealing with grief either personally or in the lives of friends and loved ones.  

This can be a bit of a hard book to read...primarily due to the subject matter.  Most of us don't normally look for opportunities to get cozy and read a book about the crushing grief that can come from cancer, the loss of a child, and the sting of careless words.  But unfortunately, most of us will need the perspective and advice Erica offers in this book.  

Erica tells her story with honesty and vulnerability.  For those in a season of grief, she discusses her fight with guilt surrounding the tragic loss of her daughter and the hypocritical words and actions of Christians in her life when she most needed friendship and comfort.  But then she outlines the amazing hope that comes from knowing our God who "reveals His desire to relate to our own human brokenness."  

Unfortunately, I've lived life with friends that lost a child...and honestly, I disengaged because I didn't know what else to do.  Erica's book would've been an invaluable resource.  For those (like me) who struggle with knowing how to respond to the grief of others, she offers crucial recommendations for what (and what not) to say and do.  Here are a couple things that stuck out for me:

        -  Telling someone to call if they need anything isn't helpful.  Cleaning their house or taking their kids out for something fun...much better plan.

        -  It may not always be a good idea to quote scripture at someone when they're grieving...your take on God's plan for them may not be welcome just then.  Also, asking a cancer patient about weight changes or baldness probably isn't great either (really...that needs to be said?).  

        -  Prayer IS an action...pray for them!  Erica thoughtfully provides specific ways to pray for and talk to loved ones that need you now more than ever.

So...to wrap up...go buy this book (Click HERE)!  It offers grace and hope in the face of tragedy and wisdom when it's needed most.

Bedtime Prayers

So last night I got really frustrated while trying to pray with my kids before bedtime.  Here I am trying to thank God for everything in our lives and teach them how to pray...


meanwhile Justin is crawling on top of me while Kate is watching birds eating at the feeder we have in the back yard.  So I snapped a bit...prayer time was over and bed time started.  I know, I know, I'm the best dad ever (ok, maybe second best), right?  But it's hard for kids, especially American kids whose parents give them everything they could possibly need, to imagine that they really need to be thankful for all that God provides.  And is it really easier for us?


Not looking to make this a summary of the sermons at NCC, but I'm going to go ahead and reference this past week anyway.  


So...Lysa TerKeurst spoke on how our reactions determine our reach.  It was awesome...go watch it HERE.  But what most hit me was a story she told about her son (adopted from Liberia).  This boy was an orphan who lived on one meal a day, walked a long distance to school and was ostracized by the kids with families when he got there.  


He didn't have much to be thankful for.  But one day someone picked him out of a crowd and told him to stand and tell everyone what he thanked God for.  There was nothing that this kid could say without lying...what could he be thankful for...his life?  That wasn't anything to be excited about...his life pretty much sucked.  The one meal of rice that he was getting for the day?


So instead, this amazing boy started singing.  He praised God and worshipped him with a song...not because of what he has done, but because of who he IS.  


This is huge.  I've spent alot of time teaching my kids to pray...giving them examples of blessings, things and situations that they could thank God for.  That's not bad...but it's so incomplete.  If all we focus on is what he's done for us (like thanking a genie), what do we do when we don't believe there's anything to thank God for?  Even in those situations where everything I hold dear is falling apart, I want to be able to thank God and praise him for who he is.  That is worship in spirit and in truth.




Side note...the day after Lysa's son stood up an sang a song, another kid did the same thing (and her son joined in), and it grew every day.  After a while, their singing caught the ear of someone who was visiting and they started traveling around the world to sing and raise awareness about the needs of orphans.  Because of one song...one fumbling attempt at worship in the face of despair...many families have had the chance to grow in size, faith and love through adoption.

Burn The Fleet

The old flag will burn with the sail
And a new one won't fly if we fail
But the fire continues to rise
And it shows not a hint of any fear in our eyes


Burn the fleet, we can never go home
It's on to victory or under ground
Burn the fleet, we'll be heroes or ghosts
But we won't be turned around


The lyrics above are from one of my favorite songs...Burn the Fleet by Thrice.  Sadly, I had no clue about the historical basis of the lyrics until this past Sunday.  It's a bit of a crazy story...


So here's the deal.  Hernando Cortez wanted to conquer the Aztec capitol, but the loyalty of his men in the face of danger was questionable.  So he burned his ships...destroying the possibility of retreat or escape.  


So at church we had the chance to hear from John & Eli Tiller.  I didn't know anything about the Tiller family, but please check out their story HERE.  The main point of John's talk was that we need to destroy the connections that tie us to a life without God.  Only be doing that can we find hope in him and him alone.  


Easy to say...so insanely hard to do sometimes.  But why?


I'm not sure about most people, but I think I struggle with this mostly because I don't believe that God's plan is more important than mine.  That's hard to write because I really do believe that God has this beautiful and amazing plan for us as individuals, families and nations.  But I can admit that I don't really want my family or friends (or me individually) to suffer in any way to further that plan...where's the good in that (for me!!)?  


So instead of trusting God fully and completely, we build safety nets and false security under the premise that we can step up when God decides to fail us (in our estimation).  And when difficulty or tragedy strikes, we care much more about using everything at our disposal to get out of that situation than we do about looking for what God may be doing through it or just growing in faith through it all.


If our plan (or script as John Tiller put it) is the most important thing to us, then we'll continue to live in this way.  If tragedy strikes, we'll find ways of convincing ourselves that this cannot be what God wants for us...as if our comfort, or even our life, is the most important thing to him.  However, if we can embrace the idea that God is sovereign and his ways and plans (even those that crush us) are good, then we can be shaped by that plan.


So if you can accept that God is good and his plans are perfect, then burn the ships.

A Day to Celebrate?

It was a year ago (in a couple days) that Special Forces rolled into a compound in Pakistan and took out one of the most infamous men of our time.  People all over the world celebrated his death (or mourned it, depending on their persuasion).  At the time, I wasn't sure what I felt about all this...I was glad that Bin Laden no longer posed a threat and I felt like justice had been served, but I struggled with the idea of celebrating the death of any person (regardless of his actions).

So today, I read a random interview (click the link! it's a good interview!) with Aaron Weiss from one of my favorite bands (mewithoutYou).  I don't agree with everything said in the interview (or even in the part I'm putting below), but I definitely think it gave me something to think about, so I thought it was worth sharing.  So in my regular trend of plagiarism, here's Aaron Weiss:

I don’t know anything about who Osama Bin Laden [was.] I don’t understand any of it. But I can go inside and find that there are terrorists in my heart. I could find all sorts of extremists and religious fanatics and murderers and hiders. But to point and say “He’s the bad guy because he did that, I’m a good guy.” Well, it would undermine everything we were talking about earlier.

You say, “We’re all one, let’s all hold hands and have a potluck.” It’s easy to say when everyone’s getting along. But when somebody murders your family, are you one with them? Are you one with the murderer? Are you one with the terrorist? Are you one with the religious fanatic?

It seems like that’s where the line is drawn. “No, no, nope. That’s not me. I would never do that. I’m not like Osama Bin Laden, I’m not like… a pedophile or serial killer.” Or any other sleazy character you could imagine. It’s very easy to keep them on the outside and make ourselves somehow better. But the sword comes and cuts that too. There’s nothing that anyone’s ever done that you wouldn’t do. There’s no one that you’re better than.

I think that last line is an epic kick in the gut...there's no one that any of us is better than.  So did Osama get what was coming to him?  Probably.  But I'm really grateful for the ridiculous mercy that God offers every one of us...even those of us who are not such obvious monsters.

Spectacular Liars

Let me just preface this with the fact that I’m writing this with a (probably un)healthy level of frustration with myself and others.  Just something that's been simmering for...a while.  But here we go anyway…

One of the common criticisms used against any church or religion is that there are a ton of hypocrites.  And we, the church, need to be quick and ready to respond with strong agreement!  We, both corporately and as individuals, regularly show that we can easily ignore the principles of the faith that we claim.  But I honestly believe that our hypocrisy is rarely tied to the fact that we publicly act in ways that we condemn.  Instead, I think our hypocrisy is tied to the fact that we are such spectacular liars…

In our culture, image is everything…and our religious subculture is no different.  I go to work and try to look busy (even when I’m not).  We go to church and try to look like we’ve got it all together…that we’re living our lives dedicated to God when most of the time we care, more than anything, about satisfying our personal desires (and our ‘religion’ is part of that).  And this hypocrisy is completely in conflict with what we’ve been called to in Christ! 

Most people would probably say that Paul had some of the greatest impact (other than Jesus) on the shape of Christian faith.  But Paul called himself the ‘chief’ of sinners…he wrote out descriptions of his sin and publicly admitted that he struggled against his desires.  James told us to confess our sins to each other, but do we really welcome confession?  Derek Webb (probably not up there with Paul and James, but whatever) once said that the best thing for all of us would be if our sins were broadcast on the 5 o’clock news.  But imagine if Ted Haggard had gone to the elders of his church (or, gasp! the entire congregation) and confessed that he was being tempted to give in to his desire for drugs and extra-marital sex.  You’d hope that they would pray with and for him…that they would beg for God to heal him and give him strength and a renewed desire for what is good.  But odds are, it would’ve spread out through the gossip network and the ‘righteous’ would’ve step forward to pass judgment. 

No wonder people say ‘screw it’ and go big once they’ve crossed the line from temptation into action!!!  They know there’s nothing but negativity ahead, so why not try and get some fleeting pleasure while they still can?  They (and we) have tied their identity so tightly to their failure that they see no way out.

For some reason, we’ve decided to allow actions (missteps or good deeds…either way) to define us and the people around us.  I know the Bible talks about knowing someone by their 'fruit', but doesn’t our personal identity come from our standing in Christ?  If Jesus came and died so that we could be seen as righteous in the eyes of the Father, what makes the way we see ourselves or others so important?  My holiness is NOT defined by my actions!!!!  And your perception of my holiness borders on irrelevant unless I’m intentionally causing others to stumble.  Instead of passing judgment on those that are not living up to certain standards (or are even living in open rebellion), shouldn’t we approach them with love and a readiness to admit our own failures…our own weakness? 

A lot of churches have tried to do this with ‘accountability’ groups, and some of them do a great job.  But some of the time, they (again) shift the focus towards our behavior instead of the state of our heart or our faith.   Over time, this just encourages a front all over again…or (maybe) worse, it encourages changes in behavior while the heart stays the same.  And this goes back to the first lie…that we can do this on our own…that we don’t need God.  Reminds me of another Derek Webb line – “I’ll clean up this act and be worse than when we started.” 

I think that’ll do.  As an aside, I realize that I tend to rage against the machines that we’ve built.  But this in no way indicates that I want to tear people down…I believe we need to see ourselves for who we are (if it’s just me, then I guess I’m WAY off base…sorry?).  We need to beg God to heal us, tear apart the lies that we believe and propagate, and give us a true faith that is focused on him instead of us.  But despite all that, I love the country that I get to serve.  I love the family that God uses to bless and challenge me every day.  And I love the ‘dysfunctional family’ that makes up the spectacularly beautiful body of Christ (to steal a quote from my friend Bobby with a capital ‘B’). 

Ok…that’ll do for real.

Christian Nation...not so much

A few posts ago, I got on a rant about the idea that America is or is not a Christian nation.  I ended up focusing on Christians (and our hypocrisy), but another concept has been rattling around in my skull the past couple days.  It's this...Can a nation truly be Christian? 

To fully unpack this idea, I probably need to define (for myself) the words Christian and nation...what do they really mean?  Most people would say that Christian means 'like Christ' or 'a follower of Christ.'  So the common American viewpoint that we're all Christians because we believe in God and lead generally moral lives is...ummm...wrong.  If Jesus was here today, he would probably be treated much like he was in his day.  Those who saw their need for a savior would flock to him.  Most of us that believe we're doing ok on our own would probably judge him.  And all the while he would be talking about (and living out) sacrifice...giving of himself until there was nothing left (***See sidebar below).  I'm not going to give the definition of nation (should be pretty straightforward), but nationalism is a concept that is a bit more tricky.  Nationalism is the pursuit of a nation's interests, separate from (or at the expense of) other interests. 

So...what does this have to do with anything?  Give me a couple minutes and I'll try to bring this around...

Recently, there's been a ton of discussion on Capitol Hill about US intervention in Syria (or other nations) to put a stop to violence.  Also, in the last few days (weeks?), the KONY 2012 video has swept across Facebook.  Now this video may be propaganda that ignores the efforts of the African nations that want to take care of their own issues.  It may be emotional manipulation or a host of other negative things.  But 2 weeks ago, most of the people on Facebook had no clue who Joseph Kony was...at least now there's a recognition that he's systematically destroying the lives of thousands of children in Uganda, S. Sudan, and other surrounding nations.  And one major criticism is right...clicking 'Like' on a Facebook page isn't 'doing something.'  But signing a Congressional petition for greater US involvement is something...but do we really want our country involved in a hunt for Kony?

Now in general, I'm a non-interventionist.  I'm pretty sure we would've been pretty pissed if Great Britain would've tried to shell the Union forces that burned Atlanta...it was none of their business, right?  A good friend recently shared a quote from John Quincy Adams that I thought was pretty great stuff (see 1821 Independence Day Address here).  But the thing is, my nationalism is what drives my views on interventionism.  Because let's be honest...most of our attempts at involving ourselves in the struggles of other nations haven't really done much for our national interests.  If we jump into Syria or increase our involvement in the hunt for Kony, it will be because of public pressure on politicians (read: I want to serve another term)...not because it's in America's best interests. 

However, if I look at our nation as a tool I can use to serve other people in a Christ-like manner, then it changes everything.  Suddenly, we have to consider the fact that we should be doing even more in foreign aid and doing more to halt injustice...even at the expense of our nation's interests.  So...to try and bring it around...if we claim that we're a Christian nation, then we're claiming that our nation is willing to sacrifice itself (completely) to meet the needs of others.  And let's be honest...that's just not going to happen. 

So I'm not saying that we need to hunt Kony or take over Syria or anything like that.  I don't know the right answers to those questions.  My point is that words matter...and the phrase 'Christian nation' is an oxymoron.  We, as individuals, need to examine where our loyalty lies.  I believe that Christians must choose to follow either our King or our nation...not both.  How that choice plays out in your own life is up to you, but if our faith is tied to the success of capitalism or representational democracy, then we're in for disappointment.

***Ok, I'll try to keep this sidebar short because I've written a book. 
It's always interesting to me when I hear others (or myself) use the phrase 'haven't I done enough?'  Most of the times that I use it, I'm just frustrated that some charitable organization keeps sending me annoying junk mail.  But I really believe that the use of that phrase identifies a basic misunderstanding of the gospel.  It means that we see giving, or charity work, or whatever, as a means of checking off a list towards meeting a standard of 'righteousness.'  But this is in direct conflict with the grace offered through Jesus.  There is no checklist...we're already righteous.  And we're given the chance to find joy in pouring out everything in love for Christ.  Not many of us would say 'haven't I done enough?' if our kids needed us to take them to the doctor tomorrow.  We'd give up our time, our money, our everything, if necessary, because we love them completely.  Should our love for God be something less?

Ok...that'll do.

Tough Question

Last night, I got hit with an extremely tough question...


A woman told me, with tears in her eyes, that in a couple weeks it will be one year since her dad died.  In the discussion, she asked me what happened to him...where he is.  She said that he did not believe in Jesus...


Before I could even answer, she said 'I know where he is because God is fair, right?  The Bible says God is fair, right?'  This is the difficult and painful flip side of the first quote that I posted last time.  It's easy to have deep thoughts about sovereignty or whatever when someone isn't pleading with you for confirmation that a loved one is in heaven.


How do you answer this question...can you do it with both truth and love?

Deep thoughts by Michael S. Horton

I was reading an article today that covered some pretty deep stuff...because that's how I roll sometimes.  So I'm plagiarizing a couple thoughts from Michael S. Horton because I thought they were awesome.  Here goes:


"Regardless  of compelling logic, the only test of truth is consistency with the Scripture.  We can't begin with a philosophical idea of divine sovereignty or human freedom and then cherry-pick our favorite verses."


This one is an epic smack down to the arrogance that most of us show on a regular basis...


"It's amazing - a theology that says we only know God because He has revealed and given Himself to us by grace can be turned into a self-righteous assertion of our own discovery."


Ok...that'll do for the deep thoughts...I'm out.

I'm not dead yet!

So I realize that I dropped a really depressing post and then disappeared.  Had all the best intentions to come back later and talk about all kinds of really amazing stuff (no, really! but I've forgotten it all now), but never did.  So just to sum up...all is pretty ok now.  And by ok I mean really great in a 'see yourself for who you really are' sense.  We've had some prayers that were directly answered even if the answering was painful.  I've been challenged through personal experiences and some really awesome sermons (Mark Driscoll) to be a better friend to Sara and leader for my family.  I've also recognized a tendency to compartmentalize pretty much every part of my life...God is over here but nowhere else...work is just a way to make a living...and on and on.  So yeah...lately I've been challenged and here's hoping that someday soon I can look back and see that this was a great time for me and the relationships that I value most.


On a completely different note, I recently posted this picture on facebook:

Now I probably should've foreseen the discussions that followed but I didn't expect the in-depth analysis that far exceeds my capability...I think they're great discussions, but I figured I'd put out my point of view here instead of continuing the comment thread.  Of course, it might happen here now, but that's totally fine too.  But anyway, I struggle with where exactly I stand in the political spectrum for exactly the point raised in Colbert's statement (among others).  First, I think that a nation is the sum of the individuals that make it up...if the majority of Americans are humanists (probably accurate despite what we claim), then we're a humanist nation despite our Christian heritage.  


To cater to some of my libertarian leanings, I think it's absolutely wrong to force people to do charity.  And yes, I believe that government-run welfare programs are charities funded by taxes that are taken forcibly.  Like a good friend of mine has said: just try not paying your taxes sometime.  But I think it's total BS that those of us who call ourselves Christians find it so easy to ignore people who are truly in need.  If the Church (I mean believers in Christ, not any one specific church or denomination) would step up and give away even the minimum (10% of our income under most doctrinal or Biblical interpretations), then poverty as we know it would be virtually extinct.  So if there are still people in need (financially or otherwise), and I'm still intentionally sitting around ignoring them and not even doing the minimum that's 'expected' of me, then how can I as an individual call myself a Christian (in the 'like Christ' sense)?  And if my problem is multiplied across our nation, then can we really call ourselves a Christian nation?  So to round up my soapbox here...if the Church was doing it's job, there would be no need for government-run welfare programs and the Republicans and Libertarians could all quit complaining.  I know I'm over-simplifying the solution, but is this really all that hard?


Ok...I gotta stop because this is way over the top preachy.  I'm not better than anybody else...I'd much rather get a new iPod than buy groceries for people I barely know.  But I think that we all need to be willing to recognize the idiocy of the way we act sometimes in light of what we say we believe.  


Ultimately, we need to remember the ridiculous gift we've been given in Christ and respond appropriately.  And saying that we just don't want to do what we know is right probably isn't the appropriate response.

Not so fun

21 days of prayer and fasting...I went into it totally stoked...posted on facebook that the next 3 weeks could be amazing.  But I've been forced to learn something that I should've already known.  Before you ask God for something to pray about, make sure you're ready for anything.  I really expected God to put some idea or dream in my mind that would force me to step out and do something in faith.  


Instead, the past week brought a boat-load of pain...kinda sucked to be honest.


But in that pain, I felt a true need to pray because I recognized that I was powerless.  I watched an amazing friend grieving because a close family member is nearing death.  All I could offer was sympathy and words, but I really believe that God can offer peace.  I saw some of the relationships I value most threatened and I had no way to fix anything.  I struggled with depression, anger, guilt and apathy this week but in everything I can say that I tried to 'pray through' the situations that surrounded me.


So yeah...I wanted God to give me some big awesome dream and instead I got a week that was not so fun.  But it's ok...think I remember somebody saying that it's about God and his plan...not about me.  That's really something that I think I'm learning more and more...that all this is about God.  We've done such a great job convincing ourselves that Jesus' life, death and resurrection were about bringing us to him.  Yet somehow we've ignored the fact that it wasn't ultimately about saving us...it was about God and making his name great.


But we can trust him in all of this...not necessarily to do what we want or even what is 'good' for us.  (Stop misusing Romans 8:28!)


We can always trust him to provide an opportunity to make much of him in everything.  We can trust him to allow us to take part in the beautiful song of life lived for something/someone bigger and better than us.  Makes me think about the lyrics to Derek Webb's song In God We Trust.  These lyrics especially hit me this week:


In God we trust...even when He fights us for someone else
In God we trust...even when He looks like the enemy


So my week was painful...but bring it.  In God I trust.

21 Days

So no...I cannot yet provide an itemized list of the God-sized dreams that I have for myself, my family, or the world at large.


But that's ok.


This week, our church started a series on The Circle Maker.  It was awesome that one of the first points that Mark (Batterson...our pastor) made was that the first objective of prayer is praying about what to pray about.  This point should seem pretty obvious.  But I think most of us have, at some point, sat down with a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down everything and everyone that we thought we should be praying about/for.  And then...if we had some specific time set aside for prayer...we took out that list and started reading it off to God.  Don't know about you, but about day 4 of that...while I'm 'praying'...I'm actually wondering if chipotle hot sauce would be good on hashbrown casserole (and yes, it's spectacular).  Then, when I realize what's going on, I start feeling guilty, then it just starts this spiral of blah, blah, blah.  It's just silly...


If I can't be passionate about my prayers, I should probably just shut my hole.


So anyway...tomorrow, our church is starting a 21-day period of prayer and fasting.  Apparently it's going to be an annual thing from now on...bring in the new year while trying to focus on God and what He wants for us as individuals and as a part of his body.  Good stuff...and I'm actually looking forward to it.  But I love that Mark didn't try to make it sound like it was going to be the most fun thing in the whole world...I love that he refused to make promises that God was going to give us exactly what we want...


That would be making it about us...and it's not.


So over the next few weeks, I'm going to pray about what to pray about.  I'm going to ask God to give me audacious desires and dreams that have the potential to make me look ridiculous if he doesn't step in.  I'm going to continue asking him to do amazing things in the people I'm most passionate about and give me new passions that fall more in line with Him.  I accept that I might not have any epiphanies or work any miracles before the end of the month, but those are God's job, not mine.


Abrupt ending...but that'll do.

New year...same old ramblings

This may be all over the place...but we'll see.  Have you ever felt like you get a thought or question or whatever in your head, and no matter what's going on, it keeps popping back up?  It's kind of annoying, and that's where I'm at right now...and I blame Mark Batterson.


For those that have no idea who Mark is, he's the pastor of our church in DC.  He recently released a book called The Circle Maker.  It's pretty awesome and thought provoking and all that so far...I'm only about half-way through it right now but I'd recommend it.  Anyway, the first major section of the book focuses on dreaming God-sized dreams (beyond our ability to fulfill) and praying specific prayers related to those dreams.  One idea that Mark emphasized really punched me in the gut.  He said "God isn't offended by big dreams; He's offended by anything less."  Later, he said "If you've never been overwhelmed by the impossibility of your plans, then your God is too small."  But really...how many of us can claim that we have dreams that are beyond our ability to fulfill on our own?  How many of us truly give credence to the idea that we can pray to God about things that are way beyond our means or ability and actually expect results?  It's sobering for me to realize that I (like many) believe that God created the universe with a thought and a word, while doubting that God takes an active role in doing amazing things in, through and for us.


Unfortunately, I think this lack of faith has impacted my ability to dream.  Most of us have become so self-reliant that we don't even begin to dream about things that we can't accomplish with the right amount of work, luck and/or money.  And ultimately, our dreaming becomes so stunted that we settle for extremely cheap satisfaction...extremely cheap ideas of success.  Donald Miller opens his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years with the following: "If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn't cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers.  You wouldn't tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you'd seen.  The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later, except you'd feel robbed and want your money back."  But how many of us have become so self-sustaining that we've settled for the dream of a Volvo, or a vacation home, or pick-your-own thing that eventually crumbles into nothing?  


So would we dream better dreams and pray more specific prayers if we weren't so capable of providing for our families and building security blankets (and I use the word security very lightly)?  Not sure I want the answer to that question...at least not in the applied sense...but that's just another example of my refusal to trust God completely.  A couple days ago, I finally watched a video that came out a while back...and of course it struck this same nerve.  You can watch the video HERE.  For those that don't want to watch a 15-minute awesome video, it's a breakdown of the Lord's prayer and a discussion of the fact that maybe we need to be more intentional and cautious with the words and attitude we bring to God.  In it, there's a discussion of how we say things that we don't even understand.  "If God just gave us our daily bread, many of us would be angry."  But I honestly believe that if we depended on God for our sustenance on a daily basis, most of us would dream better dreams...pray better prayers.  


So looking back on this, it's a bit all over the place, but there's no way I'm changing it now.  This weekend, many people made resolutions for the coming year...they set goals for themselves with confidence in their own ability to succeed (or try again next year).  I'm not a big fan of resolutions...but my goal for the rest of my life is to be a man that dreams God-sized dreams and prays persistently for God to work out His goals.  If he burns my security blankets to the ground, my goal is to depend completely on him through it all.  If he lets me keep them, I hope to use them up in a life serving my family and others.  I have no chance of succeeding in any of this on my own...so I guess we can call this my first God-sized dream.  


To finally finish this up, I'm stealing a Tozer quote from somebody else's blog (here's the link!)...


God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible.  What a pity when we plan only the things we can do by ourselves.

Paul is annoying

So every now and then I get this urge to log in here and write a book-length discourse on whatever may be rattling around my mind.  But then life catches up...work, family, whatever...and it's another week before I think about it again.  But I had a few minutes, so...


If you scroll way down to a post from February of 2010, you can see that I joined with my church in a 'campaign to read through the Bible together.'  Well...maybe not so much together...they set a pace and I lagged considerably behind.  I did eventually finish a few months ago and I gotta say that I was left with a few very strong (if not very popular) impressions. 


Just to get it started...I don't think I would want to hang out with Paul if he was around today.  This guy stands out as somebody who had it together (after his conversion) and would tell you about it if you asked.  David or Peter or Jonah I think I can relate to...these guys were normal.  They showed everyone around them that while they followed God, they had the potential to fall completely off the wagon on a fairly regular basis.  Paul...not so much...he's kind of annoying.  So I appreciate the letters that Paul contributed to the Bible, but he would shake the church to its core if he was around today because we wouldn't know what to do with him.


So one section of Romans has been crushing my thoughts for a while.  In one of his more frustrating paragraphs, Paul said: "I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.  So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me."  So here's the kicker for me.  I can say in all honesty that I don't do very many things that I don't want to do.  And most of the things that I don't want to do at a specific moment yet do anyway are good and right things.  And the flip side...the 'sin' that exists in my life is there because I want it there.  I know there are great theological arguments about sin nature, and the process of growth and all that.  And I know that in the grand scheme of things, I want to do right as an act of service to and love for God.  But I can't remember a single time when I did something wrong without wanting to do it.  I choose to put my money, my sexual appetite, my time, and whatever else in the place that should be occupied by God pretty regularly. 




Now...the awesome thing...




He loves me anyway

Our Father

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...

There's a great song by the band The City Harmonic where they work the words of the Lord's prayer into the lyrics (you can watch the video here even though it's a little cheesy).  But the song and some other things rattling around my head got me thinking about this...


Some of us have probably read, said, prayed, or thought about the Lord's Prayer hundreds of times.  But do we really think about the first couple words?  One of A.W. Tozer's most famous quotes is this: "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."  So what do we think about God?  And is that at all shaped by the fact that God is (or at least continually offers to be) our Father?


Anyway, I think part of our perception of God is shaped by the word 'Father'.  This word isn't used often when we're talking to (or even about) our biological fathers...it really only gets used on a regular basis in churches.  When I hear the word 'father', I for some reason think of George Banks.  This guy had it together, right?  He had a schedule...he had a pipe and a brandy every night (offering some sort of distinction).  He was the benevolent dictator of his domain, but had little time to offer his children.  I think that a lot of us see God this way...he'll drop the hammer if he needs to, but really just wants us to leave him alone.


And then there's the other side of the spectrum.  I love the music of Aaron Strumpel and the people at Enter the Worship Circle, but I have this internal cringe every time I hear the song "I Remember."  In it, Aaron sings I remember your deeds, oh Dad, my God, I think I'll trust in you.  It just seems sacrilegious, right?  We're supposed to live in fear and awe of God...can we go around calling him Daddy?  But how awesome would it be if we could just curl up and chill with God before bedtime?


Unfortunately, I'm not sure what I think about God on a day-to-day basis.  I'm guessing that many of us live our lives as functional atheists.  We don't believe God cares about us enough to discipline us and we don't think he loves us enough to meet our needs (much less our wants).  So we live a moral life, but only because we feel like we have to keep up appearances.  We pray, but we don't really believe God is going to step into our lives.  It's just sad...and it's not reality


Think about the best dad ever (besides mine and this guy).  If we really try to tie up the best qualities of fatherhood, a perfect love shines through with wisdom, grace, discipline, love, protection...and add whatever good stuff you think should be added.  But the truth is that we can never comprehend the amazing nature of God...his capacity as a Father, Abba, Daddy is far beyond what we could ever understand.  If we can just wrap our minds around that nugget, it could really change how we approach him...and could change how we present him to others.  God is not a force, or an energy, or some old dude sitting in the clouds watching his plan play out.  He's the father of all creation begging his children to let him love them completely

More Plagiarism

So I was listening to something this morning and thought it was awesome and challenging and all that good and difficult stuff about faith wrapped up in one line of thought.  It was from one of Matt Chandler's sermons (The Village Church...Dallas area) based on Colossians 1.  Anyway, I'm just going to plagiarize his words...so here you go...
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Now watch what [Paul] pulls here, because I want to talk for a little bit about this in light of what I believe is a false and horrible gospel that you hear often. “May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience. . .” I’ve heard this said before, so I’m just going to throw this out there. If it’s God’s will for all of us that nobody to gets sick and nobody has any trouble and we’re all supposed to be wealthy, if that’s true, why do we need to have patience and endurance? If all we have for loving Jesus is a life of ease ahead of us, then why is this in the Bible over and over and over again? My problem with the Prosperity Gospel, despite the fact that it’s such garbage, is if you just take a step back and look, is this true for anyone? That’s the thing that I get confused by. Who doesn’t bleed? Who doesn’t suffer? Who doesn’t get sick? Who doesn’t have bad years? Who gets this life? If you can show them to me, you’re showing me some three-year-old. And I’ll say, “Let’s hold off until he gets to puberty, okay?” So I don’t understand the mindset of the Prosperity Gospel. This is why people get angry when you say God is part of this cancer that I have. People get real angry because they’ve been taught that God’s purpose in the universe is to make much of us, make much of me, make much of you, that there is no hurt or struggle for us. But the Bible just said, “May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience. . .”


And then there was one last word at the end there. It says, “. . .for all endurance and patience with joy...” Joy in my circumstance? I’ll give it to you like this. I have stage-3 anaplastic oligodendroglioma, malignant brain cancer. They’ll tell you how long you have, but they don’t know. It’s just the truth. They’ll even say that. Any doctor worth his salt will. All they have are statistics. And I think it was Twain that said, “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.” In the end, here's what I know. Here’s a place of deep joy for me. As a pastor, I know that some people go for a run and they don’t come home. Some people get in the car, maybe kiss their spouse goodbye and don’t come back home. And I know last night, we celebrated my daughter’s 7th birthday, and I got in bed with my wife and I woke up this morning and had breakfast with my children. And I’m going to die just like you. I don’t know when, but it’s coming for me. And I know I have a little window of knowing it’s coming. I don’t know how long that window is, but it means that I get to climb in bed and be unbelievably grateful that I got another day. It means I get to wake up tomorrow (Lord willing) and be unbelievably grateful that I got another day. And that gift has brought me an immense amount of joy. So now, by the grace of God and the strength of God, I’m trying to walk well through what He has for me. And I said it correctly. This is what God has for me. God was not asleep on this thing...oligodendroglioma grows slowly. It was probably in my brain for 20 years. Over the last 20 years, God was not blind to that. It didn’t surprise Him. Thanksgiving morning didn’t make Him go, “Oh, Gabriel, get over here. Here’s the plan. Here’s what I want to do. You get down there and find him a surgeon. You, find an oncologist. You, go. . .” This is not how it played out. It didn’t surprise Him. In fact, He was like, “Okay, it’s time,” and all that was set into motion before that, things that I didn’t even know about until now, were controlled by a good, mighty, beautiful God. And so that belief enables me to walk with joy, patience and endurance through a difficult season.
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So there you go...obviously, that's not the whole sermon...so if you want to check it out, click here.  I'd also highly recommend The Village Church podcast.  Good stuff.  Ok...bye

Best of Intentions

One of the people I consider a 'mentor' once said to me that I need to know my audience before I speak.  Those that know me (at all...well is not a requirement) have probably seen on multiple occasions that I have a tendency to say whatever is on my mind with very little filter.  Obviously, I think my words are so important that I couldn't possibly keep them to myself (did you hear I have a blog?  click here!).  Even when I do choose to filter myself a bit, I tend to be blunt and a little tactless.  That being said...I can honestly say that it's extremely rare when I intentionally say something hurtful (although I'm sure Sara can list a few times).  However, I've been forced to learn again and again that the best of intentions go only so far.  

So I'm guessing that I'm not the only one that struggles with knowing the right thing to say to the right people at the right time.  And one of the worst times to have a bout of verbal stupidity is when people are struggling with tragedy in their lives.  A few years back, some friends of ours lost a child.  One of the hardest conversations I've had with Kate is when I tried to explain to her that just because Jesus rose in 3 days didn't mean that this child would be back in a few days.  But when it came to my interactions with our grieving friends, I can honestly say I failed...I disengaged because I didn't know what to say or do.  It would've been nice to have some kind of guidance on what should or shouldn't be said or done.  Our friend Erica McNeal just published an e-book addressing this issue...it's a quick read with some great advice for when loved ones are dealing with some of the worst situations.  You can get more info HERE.  

Anyway, to bring it back to the whole words words words line of thought, there was one bit in Erica's book that really hit me as a nugget that I need to consider (although I'm going to take her a bit out of context).  She said we should ask ourselves "Am I the most appropriate person to say what I think needs to be said?"  This is a concept that I struggle with almost daily.  I have an almost undeniable need sometimes to 'tell the truth' as I see it...even if it wasn't asked for.  So maybe I need to work on that (as my boss told me today...ouch!).  Maybe all of us need to consider our words, timing AND audience before we speak.  

Maybe I need to think about Ephesians 4:29 more - "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

With all humility...

So a few months ago, there was a huge (ok...huge in the religious section of USA today) uproar when Rob Bell (pastor, writer, speaker, etc.) came out with a book called 'Love Wins'.  In a video promotion for the book, Bell questioned very basic beliefs about hell and what happens after we die, leading some to go so far as to call him a heretic.  I haven't read the book, but I plan to...not because I want to poison myself with false teaching, but because I want to be forced to consider the fact that I just might not be right about everything I claim to believe.

Yes...I said it...I just might be wrong about one or two things that I believe.  Seriously???  Why is that so hard for us to admit?  There are millions of people and thousands of denominations that read the same Bible I do and come to differing stances on many issues.  So I want to read Bell's book because I think if I refuse, then I'm holding myself (and my opinions) up as superior to Bell...and that's just me making myself up as a little god.

Anyway, Francis Chan is a powerful writer and speaker that I respect a lot and he's coming out with a book called "Erasing Hell".  Some people may start to throw stones at this one too, but I hope that the whole ordeal with Bell has helped us to see that we should approach with all humility those who are truly dedicated to bringing people closer to God through Christ.  We don't have to agree with everything they say...but we need to give them the chance to say it before we start 'defending the faith' and throwing around accusations.

Chan put out a video a couple weeks ago that talks about this...thought it was great and wanted to share it, so here you go...that'll do...

I Love Coffee

Seriously...a well-made caramel latte or a big cup of strong Ethiopian coffee (black and sweet) is one of my favorite ways to start the day.  Right now, I'm sitting outside (freezing!  It's yard sale day and it's way to cold to be outside right now)...drinking my first cup of coffee in 10 days and it's glorious.

So why would I give up coffee for a week and a half?  Good question...started this way.  I was having a conversation with someone recently about addiction.  There are tons of stuff that we have around us that are not intrinsically bad.  Alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, prescription meds, legal drug substitutes and even food are just a few of these.  Most people believe that there's no problem with having a glass of wine with dinner, but most would also say that something's wrong if you need a beer to start the day right.

So anyway, back to the addiction conversation...I happened to say (insert spiritual voice here):

"There's a problem if we need any substance (legal or otherwise) to help us feel normal."

And then it hit me...I was drinking somewhere between 30 and 36 ounces of coffee and  a couple sodas every day.  Is there anything 'wrong' with that?  Who knows?  But ultimately, I decided that it might be a good idea to take a break from the drug (yes...caffeine=drug).  Sara could tell you...the first couple days I was not very fun to be around...standard horrible headaches and irritableness.  That should highlight the issue that maybe it's not a great idea...or maybe stopping was the great idea :).

What's the point?  Just trying to reflect on the thought that maybe we shouldn't  be relying on stuff that has no real nutritional value to help us reach a state where people want to be around us.  I'm not going to stop drinking coffee...but hopefully with a little moderation from now on.  That'll do...

Why, not What

Many people think that the things we do here on this earth follow us…that our legacy is defined by our actions.  I think this is right to an extent, but slightly off.  WHAT we do is far less important than WHY we do it.  Revelation 14:13 says “Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.”  Dying is one of those things that don’t really help anyone unless we’re dying for something greater than ourselves.  The soldier that dies defending his country or the father that dies protecting his children are heroes.  But all that is nothing compared to a life that is dedicated to God in the light of persecution.  
Most of us have no clue what persecution really is…but we’re talking about Revelation here…people being killed for not worshiping the image of the beast (15:15).  I’ve heard that some churches in developing countries actually pray for persecution of the American/Western church…not because they hate us or anything like that, but because they truly want us to experience the ‘joy of suffering’ and be forced to consider our motives, instead of just our actions.  
Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about this…do we choose to do good and kind things, or avoid those things that could hurt others because it seems like the moral or convenient thing to do?  Or do we do it because we’re in love with the God who put thought into every microscopic detail of creation and allowed his son to die for us?  Should we make role models of those who donate millions of dollars to charity, or the addicts who get clean, if they're living a life dedicated to something other than God?  Do we live in America, or do we live (and die) in the Lord?

I want more

So I'm up early today because I'm supposed to be studying for a final...but this thought has kind of captured my mind the last few days/weeks/months and I've got to put it down.  How many of us are satisfied in our 'relationship' with God?  I put it in quotes, because I think it's become a buzzword that believers love to use...but it doesn't mean anything to a lot of us.  Most of the time, I'm just kind of stuck in this state where I believe in God, but I don't connect with him...and I want more than that!  What kind of true relationship is satisfied in stagnancy and a lack of connection?  I was talking to a friend yesterday about this frustration...this whole thing where I want to be closer with God, but don't really know how.  It's like I'm trying to force myself to love him more.  Last night, I saw this prayer (from A.W. Tozer) in the book 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan (which I highly recommend).  It's old-school thees and thous, but it just encapsulates this whole idea that we cannot fabricate love for God...even that love is a gift of grace from him...

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.  I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.  I am ashamed of my lack of desire.  O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still.  Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed.  Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.  Say to my soul, ‘Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.’  Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.

God really let me down this time

I think it's hilarious when people who have just won some sort of award take the time to thank God for helping them win.  Check that thought a bit...when they thank God for their life, family, or whatever I really do think it's great.  But seriously? Thanking God for a personal award?  Lots of us have joked about it, but how awesome would it be if the coach of whoever loses in the NCAA championship gets up and says "I really think God let us down this time."  Everybody would go off!  We would attack a person who said that God caused them to lose while celebrating the person who thanks God for helping them win.  Does this make even a bit of sense?


I think this is really tied to our perception of what and who God is.  Ultimately, most of us want a magic genie...someone who can give us what we want without asking too much from us.  And there's this lie that tells us God exists to make us happy.  We've pulled Jeremiah 29:11 out of context (look it up!) and assumed that God wants nothing more than to help every one of us feel 'prosperous'.  Does it really surprise us that people have trouble believing in this idea of God when considering the state of the world around us?


I think Joseph (from Genesis, not Mary's husband) understood the reality of our standing with God more than we do.  His life pretty much sucked for a long time.  He was abused and sold by his brothers.  He was a slave in Egypt that had to deal with sexual harassment from his boss’ wife.  He spent years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit.  But instead of whining about how God had betrayed him, he says this to his brothers in Genesis 45:8 – “It was not you who sent me here, but God.”  He recognized that sometimes God’s plan for this world may be accomplished at the expense of our comfort or even our life. 


I do realize that I come back to this concept repeatedly...think it's because I have to keep relearning the same lesson myself.  


For thoughts on a proper response to suffering...check out Finding God's Fingerprints (you should be able to click on that, or it's listed over on the right side of this window).
 

!!!

How often do we really think about punctuation in our daily life?  For me...not so often.  But for those of us that enjoy reading and writing, a simple punctuation mark can create the context of a paragraph or line of thought.  What if we applied that idea to the things we do, say, and think today?  Or at least tomorrow...it's pretty late right now...


So this morning I was reading in Genesis about the life of Jacob and a couple exclamation points jumped out at me.  First, Jacob has this dream about the ladder reaching up to heaven, and it says in Genesis 28:12 that “the angels of God were ascending and descending on it!”  I love this because that exclamation point made me stop and re-read what I had skimmed over because I’m already familiar with the story.  Really...this story is a bit nuts when you think about it even thought it’s just a dream.  The whole idea that the angels would actually need a ladder (or stairs, or whatever) to go up and down to heaven is hilarious.  But this dream was one of the pivotal moments in the development of the people of Israel (and civilization as we know it)...and it deserves an exclamation point!


The other one that caught my eye was when Jacob woke up the morning after his first wedding (Genesis 29:25).  “Behold, It was Leah!”  Totally makes me laugh every time I read it.  I picture his father-in-law sitting outside the tent on the wedding night thinking "Just maybe this’ll work!"  I get that it was dark and Jacob may have been smashed or whatever after the feast, but seriously?  He slept with the wrong woman and didn’t know it?  He had to be totally pissed and embarrassed and you would think Rachel would be just a bit annoyed.  I love the Bible…it’s completely open about the scandals that most of us would try to hide or judge (whole other topic!).


So what's my point in all this?  It's just that it's CRAZY how we can bypass some of the most amazing things in life because we think we already know the ending...because we think there won't be an exclamation point to catch our attention.  When I go through life with this mindset, I tend to settle into a routine that is punctuated by nothing outside of the random hardships that I try so hard to avoid.  When I settle for endless commas and periods, I choose a life empty of exclamation.  We need to stop just existing and start creating experiences worth remembering!






Random side note...click HERE if you're at all into rap/r&b.  Not normally my musical style, but this song is playing right now on relevant.fm and it's got me at least paying attention...

Hate My Family?

I don’t hate my family.  


But Jesus clearly stated in Luke 14:26 that “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”  So why would Jesus, who we understand as being a God of love, tell us to hate anyone, much less our family?  I had this discussion with a great friend several years ago, and we ultimately came to the conclusion (like most western Christians) that it’s a statement of priority…God needs to be our first priority, but we must also care about our family.  And that makes some sense in the context.  But then verse 28 says we should make sure we “count the cost” of being a Christian.  And in verse 33, he delivers another one from the top rope –  “Any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.”  I think this verse is a clearer explanation of the point Jesus was making.  While I love Sara, Kate, Justin, and everybody else in that picture with everything in me, they do not belong to me…they are not mine, but God’s.  I have to recognize that it is God’s plan for my family that is important, not my own…and I have to give them over to him completely with faith that his purposes are better than mine.  


Several people over the years have told me that they believe our first duty as spouses and parents is to serve our family.  There are some verses in the Bible that support this thought.  But Jesus also said that he came with a sword to divide families.  


So how do we choose to respond when God is calling us to one thing but family ‘responsibilities’ are pulling us in a different direction?  I know what I do most of the time, but I also know that sometimes we may have to annoy, anger, or even hurt the ones we love in order to serve the ONE we love.  And that was hard to write.  

Jogging in Bastogne

So today I had the chance to go for a jog in Bastogne, Belgium. For those who don't know, a lot of what happened in the HBO series 'Band of Brothers' was based on what happened here during the Battle of the Bulge. Tomorrow, we're going to do a tour of the battle sites all over this place. Yes...this is your tax dollars at work...get over it!

Seriously though, it's crazy to think how many people lost their lives here. Some estimates put the American losses at around 19,000 killed...in one month. Today, it just wouldn't happen. Right now, we've lost less than 1,500 troops in Afghanistan, and there are people that think we should've pulled out a long time ago because our lives aren't worth what we're doing there.

So here's my question...who determines the value of a life? Why were we so willing to sacrifice 19,000 in January 1945, but not today? Is a life worth less now...or have we elevated the importance of the individual too much?

I've said it before...I don't have answers to most of my questions. But personally, I'd love to believe that there's something worth more than my life.