21 days of prayer and fasting...I went into it totally stoked...posted on facebook that the next 3 weeks could be amazing. But I've been forced to learn something that I should've already known. Before you ask God for something to pray about, make sure you're ready for anything. I really expected God to put some idea or dream in my mind that would force me to step out and do something in faith.
Instead, the past week brought a boat-load of pain...kinda sucked to be honest.
But in that pain, I felt a true need to pray because I recognized that I was powerless. I watched an amazing friend grieving because a close family member is nearing death. All I could offer was sympathy and words, but I really believe that God can offer peace. I saw some of the relationships I value most threatened and I had no way to fix anything. I struggled with depression, anger, guilt and apathy this week but in everything I can say that I tried to 'pray through' the situations that surrounded me.
So yeah...I wanted God to give me some big awesome dream and instead I got a week that was not so fun. But it's ok...think I remember somebody saying that it's about God and his plan...not about me. That's really something that I think I'm learning more and more...that all this is about God. We've done such a great job convincing ourselves that Jesus' life, death and resurrection were about bringing us to him. Yet somehow we've ignored the fact that it wasn't ultimately about saving us...it was about God and making his name great.
But we can trust him in all of this...not necessarily to do what we want or even what is 'good' for us. (Stop misusing Romans 8:28!)
We can always trust him to provide an opportunity to make much of him in everything. We can trust him to allow us to take part in the beautiful song of life lived for something/someone bigger and better than us. Makes me think about the lyrics to Derek Webb's song In God We Trust. These lyrics especially hit me this week:
In God we trust...even when He fights us for someone else
In God we trust...even when He looks like the enemy
So my week was painful...but bring it. In God I trust.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
21 Days
So no...I cannot yet provide an itemized list of the God-sized dreams that I have for myself, my family, or the world at large.
But that's ok.
This week, our church started a series on The Circle Maker. It was awesome that one of the first points that Mark (Batterson...our pastor) made was that the first objective of prayer is praying about what to pray about. This point should seem pretty obvious. But I think most of us have, at some point, sat down with a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down everything and everyone that we thought we should be praying about/for. And then...if we had some specific time set aside for prayer...we took out that list and started reading it off to God. Don't know about you, but about day 4 of that...while I'm 'praying'...I'm actually wondering if chipotle hot sauce would be good on hashbrown casserole (and yes, it's spectacular). Then, when I realize what's going on, I start feeling guilty, then it just starts this spiral of blah, blah, blah. It's just silly...
If I can't be passionate about my prayers, I should probably just shut my hole.
So anyway...tomorrow, our church is starting a 21-day period of prayer and fasting. Apparently it's going to be an annual thing from now on...bring in the new year while trying to focus on God and what He wants for us as individuals and as a part of his body. Good stuff...and I'm actually looking forward to it. But I love that Mark didn't try to make it sound like it was going to be the most fun thing in the whole world...I love that he refused to make promises that God was going to give us exactly what we want...
That would be making it about us...and it's not.
So over the next few weeks, I'm going to pray about what to pray about. I'm going to ask God to give me audacious desires and dreams that have the potential to make me look ridiculous if he doesn't step in. I'm going to continue asking him to do amazing things in the people I'm most passionate about and give me new passions that fall more in line with Him. I accept that I might not have any epiphanies or work any miracles before the end of the month, but those are God's job, not mine.
Abrupt ending...but that'll do.
But that's ok.
This week, our church started a series on The Circle Maker. It was awesome that one of the first points that Mark (Batterson...our pastor) made was that the first objective of prayer is praying about what to pray about. This point should seem pretty obvious. But I think most of us have, at some point, sat down with a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down everything and everyone that we thought we should be praying about/for. And then...if we had some specific time set aside for prayer...we took out that list and started reading it off to God. Don't know about you, but about day 4 of that...while I'm 'praying'...I'm actually wondering if chipotle hot sauce would be good on hashbrown casserole (and yes, it's spectacular). Then, when I realize what's going on, I start feeling guilty, then it just starts this spiral of blah, blah, blah. It's just silly...
If I can't be passionate about my prayers, I should probably just shut my hole.
So anyway...tomorrow, our church is starting a 21-day period of prayer and fasting. Apparently it's going to be an annual thing from now on...bring in the new year while trying to focus on God and what He wants for us as individuals and as a part of his body. Good stuff...and I'm actually looking forward to it. But I love that Mark didn't try to make it sound like it was going to be the most fun thing in the whole world...I love that he refused to make promises that God was going to give us exactly what we want...
That would be making it about us...and it's not.
So over the next few weeks, I'm going to pray about what to pray about. I'm going to ask God to give me audacious desires and dreams that have the potential to make me look ridiculous if he doesn't step in. I'm going to continue asking him to do amazing things in the people I'm most passionate about and give me new passions that fall more in line with Him. I accept that I might not have any epiphanies or work any miracles before the end of the month, but those are God's job, not mine.
Abrupt ending...but that'll do.
Monday, January 2, 2012
New year...same old ramblings
This may be all over the place...but we'll see. Have you ever felt like you get a thought or question or whatever in your head, and no matter what's going on, it keeps popping back up? It's kind of annoying, and that's where I'm at right now...and I blame Mark Batterson.
For those that have no idea who Mark is, he's the pastor of our church in DC. He recently released a book called The Circle Maker. It's pretty awesome and thought provoking and all that so far...I'm only about half-way through it right now but I'd recommend it. Anyway, the first major section of the book focuses on dreaming God-sized dreams (beyond our ability to fulfill) and praying specific prayers related to those dreams. One idea that Mark emphasized really punched me in the gut. He said "God isn't offended by big dreams; He's offended by anything less." Later, he said "If you've never been overwhelmed by the impossibility of your plans, then your God is too small." But really...how many of us can claim that we have dreams that are beyond our ability to fulfill on our own? How many of us truly give credence to the idea that we can pray to God about things that are way beyond our means or ability and actually expect results? It's sobering for me to realize that I (like many) believe that God created the universe with a thought and a word, while doubting that God takes an active role in doing amazing things in, through and for us.
Unfortunately, I think this lack of faith has impacted my ability to dream. Most of us have become so self-reliant that we don't even begin to dream about things that we can't accomplish with the right amount of work, luck and/or money. And ultimately, our dreaming becomes so stunted that we settle for extremely cheap satisfaction...extremely cheap ideas of success. Donald Miller opens his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years with the following: "If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn't cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn't tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you'd seen. The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later, except you'd feel robbed and want your money back." But how many of us have become so self-sustaining that we've settled for the dream of a Volvo, or a vacation home, or pick-your-own thing that eventually crumbles into nothing?
So would we dream better dreams and pray more specific prayers if we weren't so capable of providing for our families and building security blankets (and I use the word security very lightly)? Not sure I want the answer to that question...at least not in the applied sense...but that's just another example of my refusal to trust God completely. A couple days ago, I finally watched a video that came out a while back...and of course it struck this same nerve. You can watch the video HERE. For those that don't want to watch a 15-minute awesome video, it's a breakdown of the Lord's prayer and a discussion of the fact that maybe we need to be more intentional and cautious with the words and attitude we bring to God. In it, there's a discussion of how we say things that we don't even understand. "If God just gave us our daily bread, many of us would be angry." But I honestly believe that if we depended on God for our sustenance on a daily basis, most of us would dream better dreams...pray better prayers.
So looking back on this, it's a bit all over the place, but there's no way I'm changing it now. This weekend, many people made resolutions for the coming year...they set goals for themselves with confidence in their own ability to succeed (or try again next year). I'm not a big fan of resolutions...but my goal for the rest of my life is to be a man that dreams God-sized dreams and prays persistently for God to work out His goals. If he burns my security blankets to the ground, my goal is to depend completely on him through it all. If he lets me keep them, I hope to use them up in a life serving my family and others. I have no chance of succeeding in any of this on my own...so I guess we can call this my first God-sized dream.
To finally finish this up, I'm stealing a Tozer quote from somebody else's blog (here's the link!)...
God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible. What a pity when we plan only the things we can do by ourselves.
For those that have no idea who Mark is, he's the pastor of our church in DC. He recently released a book called The Circle Maker. It's pretty awesome and thought provoking and all that so far...I'm only about half-way through it right now but I'd recommend it. Anyway, the first major section of the book focuses on dreaming God-sized dreams (beyond our ability to fulfill) and praying specific prayers related to those dreams. One idea that Mark emphasized really punched me in the gut. He said "God isn't offended by big dreams; He's offended by anything less." Later, he said "If you've never been overwhelmed by the impossibility of your plans, then your God is too small." But really...how many of us can claim that we have dreams that are beyond our ability to fulfill on our own? How many of us truly give credence to the idea that we can pray to God about things that are way beyond our means or ability and actually expect results? It's sobering for me to realize that I (like many) believe that God created the universe with a thought and a word, while doubting that God takes an active role in doing amazing things in, through and for us.
Unfortunately, I think this lack of faith has impacted my ability to dream. Most of us have become so self-reliant that we don't even begin to dream about things that we can't accomplish with the right amount of work, luck and/or money. And ultimately, our dreaming becomes so stunted that we settle for extremely cheap satisfaction...extremely cheap ideas of success. Donald Miller opens his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years with the following: "If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn't cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn't tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you'd seen. The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later, except you'd feel robbed and want your money back." But how many of us have become so self-sustaining that we've settled for the dream of a Volvo, or a vacation home, or pick-your-own thing that eventually crumbles into nothing?
So would we dream better dreams and pray more specific prayers if we weren't so capable of providing for our families and building security blankets (and I use the word security very lightly)? Not sure I want the answer to that question...at least not in the applied sense...but that's just another example of my refusal to trust God completely. A couple days ago, I finally watched a video that came out a while back...and of course it struck this same nerve. You can watch the video HERE. For those that don't want to watch a 15-minute awesome video, it's a breakdown of the Lord's prayer and a discussion of the fact that maybe we need to be more intentional and cautious with the words and attitude we bring to God. In it, there's a discussion of how we say things that we don't even understand. "If God just gave us our daily bread, many of us would be angry." But I honestly believe that if we depended on God for our sustenance on a daily basis, most of us would dream better dreams...pray better prayers.
So looking back on this, it's a bit all over the place, but there's no way I'm changing it now. This weekend, many people made resolutions for the coming year...they set goals for themselves with confidence in their own ability to succeed (or try again next year). I'm not a big fan of resolutions...but my goal for the rest of my life is to be a man that dreams God-sized dreams and prays persistently for God to work out His goals. If he burns my security blankets to the ground, my goal is to depend completely on him through it all. If he lets me keep them, I hope to use them up in a life serving my family and others. I have no chance of succeeding in any of this on my own...so I guess we can call this my first God-sized dream.
To finally finish this up, I'm stealing a Tozer quote from somebody else's blog (here's the link!)...
God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible. What a pity when we plan only the things we can do by ourselves.
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