Hate My Family?

I don’t hate my family.  


But Jesus clearly stated in Luke 14:26 that “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”  So why would Jesus, who we understand as being a God of love, tell us to hate anyone, much less our family?  I had this discussion with a great friend several years ago, and we ultimately came to the conclusion (like most western Christians) that it’s a statement of priority…God needs to be our first priority, but we must also care about our family.  And that makes some sense in the context.  But then verse 28 says we should make sure we “count the cost” of being a Christian.  And in verse 33, he delivers another one from the top rope –  “Any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.”  I think this verse is a clearer explanation of the point Jesus was making.  While I love Sara, Kate, Justin, and everybody else in that picture with everything in me, they do not belong to me…they are not mine, but God’s.  I have to recognize that it is God’s plan for my family that is important, not my own…and I have to give them over to him completely with faith that his purposes are better than mine.  


Several people over the years have told me that they believe our first duty as spouses and parents is to serve our family.  There are some verses in the Bible that support this thought.  But Jesus also said that he came with a sword to divide families.  


So how do we choose to respond when God is calling us to one thing but family ‘responsibilities’ are pulling us in a different direction?  I know what I do most of the time, but I also know that sometimes we may have to annoy, anger, or even hurt the ones we love in order to serve the ONE we love.  And that was hard to write.  

Jogging in Bastogne

So today I had the chance to go for a jog in Bastogne, Belgium. For those who don't know, a lot of what happened in the HBO series 'Band of Brothers' was based on what happened here during the Battle of the Bulge. Tomorrow, we're going to do a tour of the battle sites all over this place. Yes...this is your tax dollars at work...get over it!

Seriously though, it's crazy to think how many people lost their lives here. Some estimates put the American losses at around 19,000 killed...in one month. Today, it just wouldn't happen. Right now, we've lost less than 1,500 troops in Afghanistan, and there are people that think we should've pulled out a long time ago because our lives aren't worth what we're doing there.

So here's my question...who determines the value of a life? Why were we so willing to sacrifice 19,000 in January 1945, but not today? Is a life worth less now...or have we elevated the importance of the individual too much?

I've said it before...I don't have answers to most of my questions. But personally, I'd love to believe that there's something worth more than my life.

All around the world

So this weekend, we're saying goodbye to some amazing people that we've had the opportunity to share life and all that good stuff with.  And while that's sad a little bit, it's also one of the best things about the military.  Germany needs a little Curtis action and we can't be greedy :)

There are awesome people that we've had real connections with scattered all over the world...from California, Colorado, St. Louis and D.C. to Oklahoma, Germany and Ethiopia.  It's not often that I say this (because I'm a fairly critical person in general), but I love the communities the we've had the chance to live in by serving in the Air Force.  I love the men and women that have shared real life with us...the people that have prayed with us, partied with us, cried with us, and laughed with us.  

Living in real community is rare today,  and we need to pursue it whenever we can. 

Discipline vs. punishment

Disclaimer - I'm not an expert in discipline OR punishment. But I did stay at a...ok, that's dumb.

Anyway, this is a topic that has been brewing in my (and Sara's) mind for about 5 years and 274 days. Before that, I can honestly say I didn't give it too much thought. But it's amazing how being a parent can help you sympathize with God more and have a little more understanding about his relationship with us.

So anyway, I used to hate reading the history of Israel...how they would walk away from God, then he would smack them down, then they would come back for a while...then they would walk away again and the cycle would continue. It honestly made me wonder if the people were idiots (and sometimes I'd wonder if God knew what he was really doing). Really...they had to go through the same thing how many times? Seriously? But if you really sit down and check out the Bible, you'll see that in almost every case, God is acting in an attempt to bring his people back to where they should be instead of just schwacking them as a punishment.

Discipline has a lot of definitions, but the first in most lists includes the idea of training. And isn't that what we try to do with our kids? We try our hardest to teach them to make the right choices on their own. We try to build up character through our own example, encouragement, praise, and sometimes through allowing some of life's harder consequences. Punishment, on the other hand, is some sort of penalty for an offense. Punishment carries with it the idea that improvement is not the goal...there will be a consequence for actions regardless of the likelihood of real change. Honestly, I've been guilty of this at times with my own kids...feeling like they have to have a consequence for their actions even if it won't instill a change in character.

So how does this apply to our justice system? Why do we lock people away in prisons when most evidence suggests that they'll come out worse than they went in? Why do we believe in capital punishment when that (obviously) leaves no room for improvement for the condemned? Capital punishment is specifically mentioned in the Bible, and there's a couple ways it could be interpreted. First, it could be seen as a way to restore the nation of Israel into right standing before God. Another way (and in my view, the one more relevant to this discussion) is that discipline is necessary for the group...not just the individual. So maybe fear of consequences can be a part of discipline.

This hit home with some great friends of ours recently. Their son was a victim of shaken baby syndrome committed by a baby sitter (thankfully...he's recovered miraculously). When the court case was complete, most people involved believed that the verdict against this person was nowhere near what it should've been. Now our friends are being offered the opportunity to join an effort seeking to legislate more severe punishments for those who abuse children by shaking them. So would increasing the level of punishment really reduce the number of abuse victims? Would it help to satisfy the anger and pain of the families who have suffered?  Do our answers to those questions impact how we see our relationship with God, or our kids?

I don't have answers...just lots of questions. But I know that God loves all of us - the parent, the abuser, the child and the murderer. And I trust that he's disciplining each one of us every day.

Punch in the gut

So I will now use my blog to recommend another blog...pretty sure that's allowed.  Over on the right, you should see links to other blogs.  Click on the Sixty Feet one and read the blog titled "The Sin of Sodom."
And no...it's not about homosexuality or anything like that...it's a serious challenge that every one of us should consider.

Why I do what I do

So this morning I had a really great conversation with some friends. It was this weird combination of theology and geek-speak from our school classes. But the ultimate point was this...why do we do what we do when it comes to God?
So...rabbit trail...I kind of took a mini-break from blogging because I recognized that maybe I should think about that question.  Why am I blogging? I had developed all these well-thought-out (and possibly legitimate) answers about having a place to express what I was thinking while maintaining some level of oversight and accountability. I also really hope that it can in some way help somebody that may be struggling with some of the concepts or whatever that I'm trying to work through. But here's the rub...I found a few weeks ago that I was suddenly much more interested in my blog 'stats' than anything else. It was kinda awesome to see that somebody in Australia or Russia was checking it out. So I stepped back for a bit even though I really wanted to put some random 'epiphany' out there that would boost my stats some more.  Silly?  Yes.  But real.
So I think I'll stop with my confessional here and bring it back to the topic.  Why do we do what we do?  Is it because we think we'll get something out of it?  Many faith traditions spend a lot of time emphasizing the idea that our actions lead to some tangible reward either here or in the afterlife.  If that's our motivation, can we really say that we're acting out of love towards God and/or others?  Or is it just a self-serving lifestyle choice?  I'm personally convinced that every one of us exists for one purpose only...to bring glory to God and serve his purpose.  This is so hard to accept from our (or at least my) perspective of entitlement!  If I do something for somebody, then they owe me something, right?  That's fair!  But God owes nothing to no one...and we owe him everything.  So is that why we do what we do?  Because we owe God...because we ought to?  Honestly, that's probably where I'm at most of the time.  But that's not where I want to be.  Because I know that actions born out of love are so much better than those from obligation.

Love God...love others.  That's why we should do what we do

13 years and counting

So I never really intended this to be a forum for my theological thoughts, but sometimes, that's just what I feel like ranting about. Tonight...it's something more close at hand.

Tomorrow, Sara and I celebrate our 13th anniversary.

While this isn't one of the 'big' years, it's still awesome. And I just wanted to take this opportunity to publicly honor my wife. I'm awed every day that I get the chance to love and share life with such an amazing woman. Although she'll roll her eyes at me if she reads this, she's truly the most beautiful woman I know.

Tonight while we were getting the kids ready for bed, Kate asked if Sara and I were getting married tomorrow. Gotta love that. After we explained it, she said "13 years isn't very long!" My prayer is that one day we can look back and know she was right.

Life like a great story

I'm reading "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller right now. Good book so far. So I just hit a little section that I thought was pretty awesome...and when I say awesome, I mean challenging:

"People love to have lived a great story, but few people like the work it takes to make it happen. But joy costs pain."

The hardest experiences in life often end up being our best memories. So why do we spend so much time searching for the easiest path through life?

Think that'll do...

Cookies are good

Seriously, I'm sitting here trying really hard not to eat the rest of the cookies Sara made this weekend. Lemon cookies with white chocolate chips...we got the idea from James & Stacy Hanford. Crazy delicious...

Anyway...

Last night Sara and I were hanging out with some people and this question came up: who/what is God? I think most of us are tempted to immediately respond with what we believe are God's characteristics instead of actually answering the question. It's easy to throw out 'all-knowing', 'omnipresent', 'loving', 'holy' and all that. But if somebody asked who I was, I'm pretty sure none of the answers would have anything to do with my character traits. Instead, it's more likely that it would have more to do with my relationships. Kids would say that I'm Kate's or Justin's dad. Sara's friends would think of me as her husband. Others may think of me as a co-worker or a friend or whatever.

How awesome would it be if we thought of God this way?! Whether we've accepted Jesus' sacrifice or not, God is our Father! And he's not surprised by anything about us (check out Psalm 139:1-16). Tonight, we had to deal with a bit of attitude from one of the kids. Unfortunately, we all expect this from our kids. They, like us, act selfishly. But nothing in this world can change my love for my children.

Nothing in the world and nothing we do or don't do can change God's love for us.

Who is God? He's my Father.

Sometimes I Hate The Bible

Ok...maybe I don't hate it as a whole, but I’ve always hated Psalm 137:9. The Psalmist is talking about the nation of Babylon and says “Blessed shall he be who takes your little ones and dashes them against the rock.” That's just jacked up...and it doesn’t really fit our polite view of God. We love to think of God as love and mercy and grace and all the stuff that’s good for us. Not so much do we like to consider the God of justice…at least not when that justice requires death and destruction. But then again, we don’t really like to think about any of the qualities of God that don’t fit the convenient slightly-better-than-human picture in our heads. If I really believed in the justice of God that occasionally demanded genocide, then maybe it would help me to take the gift of Christ a little more seriously instead of taking it for granted most of the time. And maybe I should be doing more with that gift.

Side note...the first part of the chapter is sad, but really beautiful at the same time. It just talks about how the people of Israel need to remember Zion...not to grow too comfortable in Babylon or lose hope. There are a couple songs that have been written that are loosely tied to this Psalm. One is "In Babylon" by Aaron Strumpel and another one is "Zion & Babylon" by Josh Garrels. If it worked right, there should be a link to the video of Garrels' song (click on the song title), and the other song is worth checking out (assuming your musical preferences lean more towards the experimental).

I just can't accept simple

In a recent conversation, it came up that most of us spend a crazy amount of time focused on things that aren't really that important. This probably applies to most things in our life, but it seems most suited to the way we approach our faith (or lack thereof).

And for those of us that claim to follow Christ...it's not that complicated!

It seems like the things we argue about most are those things that can’t ever really be answered without our own version/interpretation of the Bible. It’s the things that are beyond us that tear us apart. Psalms 131:1 says “O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.” And then, 133:1 says “Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!” So why do we spend so much time destroying our unity because of those things that are debatable…those things that are ‘too great and marvelous’ for us to understand for now? It’s ridiculous…and it’s just a waste of time and energy.

C.S. Lewis Makes My Brain Hurt

He's the Narnia guy...right?

I think that's my first though about C.S. Lewis. I know that he wrote other stuff and was this great thinker of his time, but all that really pops into my head when I think of him is Aslan the lion (and that may not be a horrible thing).

But recently, I've been trying to branch out and read things that I've known about for a long time and just haven't gotten around to reading. Right now, it's Mere Christianity. I'm only a couple chapters in, but he closed out the first main section with this and it kind of rocked me a bit:

"In religion, as in war and everything else, comfort is the one thing you cannot get by looking for it. If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth - [just] wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair. Most of us have got over [this kind of] wishful thinking about politics. It is time we did the same about religion."

So yesterday, I made it a point to claim that I seek the truth. I want God to scrape out those incorrect beliefs and set me straight. But what if that's not comfortable? What if it's really painful? Do most of us really look for truth, or are we just looking for the comfort of believing we're right?

Faith or Arrogance?

My beliefs today are different than they were 10 years ago. I think that's probably true for most of us.

So why are we SO confident that what we believe right now is right...and that those who disagree with us must be wrong?

Some people would call it faith. And I think that's valid. Webster defines faith as the belief in things for which there is no 'absolute' proof. I added the 'absolute' because I think there is proof for the existence of God...there is proof for the gifts God has given us. But let's be honest...we can't even absolutely prove that God exists...much less that he cares about us enough to sacrifice his son to bring us back into relationship with him. That's why we call it faith...and even that belief is a gift that we don't deserve. But I'm not talking about what we deserve this time...I'm talking about why we have a tendency to maintain that we're absolutely right at any given moment.

So I've been challenged lately. Challenged to consider the fact that God is always shaping my faith. If I'm stagnant, then it probably means that I'm not learning anything...and that would be just sad. But even more so, I'm challenged to actually pray for change in the areas that I've been arrogant and held on to beliefs that may be wrong. And what about the people that surround me? It's not my job to change their beliefs, but why do I act like it's not important for me to pray for them...to be always ready to share God's love for them? Maybe everybody doesn't do that, but I'll be honest...I'm kinda lazy like that.

So here's my prayer for today:

Father, destroy my arrogance. If I'm holding onto beliefs that are off the mark, then change my heart and shape my faith...use my family, my friends, my neighbors and my enemies to drag me closer to truth...to you. And please do the same for those around me. Use me and spend me...or don't...but touch every one of us with your wisdom and love.

Justin's quote of the day...

So it's been three months...but Justin just said something that must be recorded. So it snowed somewhere between 15 and 20 inches in the last 24 hours, but Justin just said that he wanted to go outside and play golf with the little golf set he got for Christmas. When we told him he couldn't play golf in the snow, his immediate response was:

"But Momma, I can always find my balls!"

Gotta love the innocence of the young :)

Success...by whose standards?

yep...it's a trend...

anyway...couple random thoughts. there's been a regular thread through a couple recent conversations with a few friends. the main point of these conversations has been what we're going to do with this career...this life...whatever. ultimately, i think most of us are just floating. we have this vague idea of what we want to do, but we continue to do what others have asked us to do. and we measure success by the perceptions of those same people that are pushing us away from what we said we wanted. so what if we all actually put some time and effort into defining our goals and basing success on that? why is this a novel concept?

i was listening to the mars hill church podcast today and mark driscoll was talking about how Christ called believers to live with a completely different mindset. we're called to turn the conventional ideas of success completely upside down. then, it's a success to sell everything and move to Ethiopia to care for others, or adopt any kid, much less one (or more) that comes from another culture. and yet, most of us that claim to be Christians still push after the american dream.

don't know if this is unpatriotic, but the american dream is cheap. God offers us something so much greater.

Blatant Plagiarism

So it's been forever since I got on this...probably will continue to be a trend. We're in Jersey now and I'm killing myself as a student...learning Calculus and Statistics so far with more to come. Anyway, I wanted to post 2 things...

First...about a month ago (actually on her birthday), Kate was telling me how we needed to be careful for "tomato storms". I tried to keep it together and not die laughing as I asked her what a tomato storm was. She said "you know, Dad, the ones that tear down houses!" Gotta love the minds of children...she was just talking about them again a couple days ago and reminded me that I wanted to put it in here.

Second...still pushing through the Bible reading plan (although I'm about 10 days behind). But Will Johnston is one of the preachers at NCC. He put up a post a while back that's basically a modern American version of 2 Corinthians 6:4-10. Even though I hate the shallowness of our perceived suffering, I love that he was able to capture so much that challenges us to do SOMETHING. So here's my blatant act of plagiarism...enjoy...

“...as servants of God we commend ourselves in many ways: by financial restraint, forgoing bigger TVs, slicker cell phones, expensive furnishings, and costly meals in order to support missionaries and our brothers and sisters who have lost jobs; by sacrificing personal safety, opening our homes to the homeless and living in rough neighborhoods to provide an example for children with little hope. We feed the hungry, visit the imprisoned, and adopt orphans. We remain humble through all of this, recognizing that our sacrifice is nothing compared to that of Jesus Christ or the persecuted saints around the world, for whom we pray daily and provide support when given opportunity. We are pure, wise, patient, and kind because we have the Holy Spirit. We love all people and speak the truth even when it is difficult. We do not care if others judge us for what we have given up or how we choose to live. We are rich because we have Christ, one another, and eternal treasure, and we believe that by caring for one another, Christ’s light will shine through us and draw people into His Kingdom.”

old friends...

so i had an awesome opportunity this last weekend. flew speaker pelosi home to san fran and i got to stay there all weekend. i was able to borrow one of our cars and go hang out in vacaville with some amazing friends (cory & krista cline). cory and i had an interesting conversation about how we don't truly have any close friends at this stage in life. here in d.c., i can say that i have people i love...people that i like...but not really anybody that i really love sharing life with (besides sara!). when sara and i lived in california, i completely believe that we truly connected with an amazing group of people. we bonded over food, wine, games, and deep and shallow conversations about everything from God to sex. it was like we were in this small snapshot of life that we were free to just hang out with each other and treat each other like family in all the best and worst ways. and i can honestly say i miss that. outside of that group, i can count the people like that in my life on 1 hand. not sure if that's depressing or not...but it was amazing to just fall back into an amazing relationship with cory and krista for just one evening. it was like the last 5 years didn't even happen (except for the kids running around!). i'm looking forward to the same thing happening this weekend as dj gets married. anyway, all that just made me so deeply thankful that God brought cory, krista, lucas, colleen, peder, sasha, and dj into our lives. we don't really do a great job staying in touch all the time now, but that's not really what's important right now. what's important is that we (like family) will always have a connection that time can't really take away...that there are people in our lives that we would always choose to sacrifice for. it's just an amazing gift.

I'm a pharisee...aren't we all?

So this whole 'read through the Bible' thing has been going ok. We powered through Job, Jeremiah and Lamentations first (I guess getting through the really depressing stuff first). But today we started Mark. Mark just dives into the story of Jesus’ ministry with no back-story of his birth or anything like that. And he packs a lot of stuff in the first 2 chapters. The story of Jesus calling Levi is probably the hardest hitting for me. After Levi has Jesus and a bunch of his followers over for dinner, the Pharisees start calling Jesus out for ‘eating with sinners’ (not really all that hard to believe…we’ve all heard the whole ‘bad company corrupts good character’ bit applied to pretty much any interaction outside the church). But Jesus just comes back with this infamous line (2:17): “I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” I say this is infamous because we as a church have flipped our theology in a practical sense. We really do teach that you have to fake it until you make it. We live and act as though behavior change fosters faith instead of flipping that and falling on the grace of God in acknowledgement of our depravity. Because deep down, we really don’t think we need him…we’re righteous enough, right? 'Empire' is a song by the band As Cities Burn that talks about this – “I was a Pharisee / I never saw my need for grace / then your love came to me / stood next to mine and I saw I was poor / show me I was poor / show us we are…” It’s so easy to shake my head and agree with all that, but if I take a step back and look objectively at myself, it’s tough to say that I live like I need somebody to save me (or even that I’ve already been saved). One of my biggest hopes is that I can see myself against the light of what is truly good through the filter of God’s grace…instead of seeing myself compared to the people I choose to bring to mind.

amazing weekend...

So this weekend has been pretty awesome. To start with Thursday, Sara and I went to a concert downtown. Got to see Fun. & Jack's Mannequin...I'm a huge fan of Fun's music. One reviewer described it as exhausting, but brilliant...just don't know what causes someone to write music that's so all over the place, but I love it. Anyway, Friday night was cool...we caught up on a few episodes of 24 (gotta love hulu.com). Saturday was quite possibly the best day we've had in D.C. as a family. First, we went to the National Archives. I've always heard it was a beautiful building, and I wanted to check it out. The building was great, but it was amazing to get to see a 500-year-old copy of the Magna Carta, the Declaration of Independence, Constitution, and Bill of Rights. It's one thing to see pictures, or copies of these things, but another to be right there with them. To see the actual signature of Benjamin Franklin, George Washington and so many others was pretty awesome. Random side note...I'm not sure why they used such huge paper back then...must've been a pain to be the writer when everything was the size of an easel. Anyway, next we went to the National Sculpture Garden and took the kids ice skating (their first time). I was totally worried about killing myself or the kids (this was only my second time), but it felt like focusing on keeping them up made it alot easier for me to pick it up. After that, we dropped by the US Botanical Gardens. They had an orchid display going on that was phenomenal. There was one flower (I'll try to put the picture on this) that was unbelievable. Made me wonder what God was thinking when he created a flower like that...but it was beautiful. Anyway, there are pictures from yesterday on facebook.

Today has been pretty good too. Church was powerful this morning. Dave Schmidgall preached from the first part of Jeremiah. Seriously, it's not so infuriating as Job, but maybe more depressing. God is so pissed in this book! Anyway, one thing that Dave said really stuck with me. He asked if we mourn for those who are going down a harmful or destructive path. Most of us find it easy to judge people, or feel pity on them, or try to fix them, but how hard is it for us to step back and see through the eyes of God? How different it would be if we could love people so much that it pained us to see them going the wrong way? Anyway, it was good. After church, we had brunch in Eastern Market with a great friend (Tim Welter). Great to catch up with him...so excited about Tim & Kim's daughter showing up next month.

To finish this book out...I was working out just a bit ago and listening to a podcast and this guy Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill said something amazing about our beliefs. He said that we believe that the Bible is infallible...and we incorrectly assume that our interpretation of the Bible is infallible. He also said that many of us go into every interaction looking for a chance to correct someone instead of looking for a chance to learn. Deep stuff...wish it was as easy to apply as it is to hear...

LXVI...From Garden to City

So yesterday, our church started a church-wide campaign to read throught the Bible together. They called it LXVI: From Garden to City (fromgardentocity.com). Anyway, today's reading was Job 1-3. I’ve always hated the book of Job. We have this tendency to think that God has our (my) best interests always at heart…and Job is the biggest example of what a load of crap that is. The book kind of highlights what I see as a petty nature to what is almost a game between God and Satan. Job 3 is one of the most depressing chapters in the Bible (and it's a game!), but this is going on all the time, right? This is the biblical example of bad things happening to good people…and basically it’s all about God (it’s not about us!). Anyway, Job mirrors the behavior of a person that’s completely in touch with God and in-line with the fact that we exist to revel in him…not the other way around. I definitely have difficulty with people who lose a child or are going through some horrible time and keep the Christian happy talk going…so not there myself. But Job, in chapter 3, basically says ‘this sucks…I wish I’d never been born’…but I love the rest of his reaction in 1:21 and 2:10. He said “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord…Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” Love that perspective even though it would be so hard to keep…especially with our western mindset that God is all about making my life better. How shallow would God be if was just the genie that we have in mind when we go to church…when we have our occasional prayer? I still hate the book of Job…but I love it too.

frustration and mission

had a difficult talk with Sara last night. definitely happens sometimes when i'm on the road. some times (like last night), it's because one of the kids is just continually doing things that aren't ok and...being kids...they just can't seem to get the idea that they need to stop it. so, seeing that i'm not there, Sara gets to deal with all that with no break and it can be crazy frustrating. not sure i could do it. so often she thinks i take this for granted, but i truly respect who she is and what she does...she's an epic woman that (like many women) can't seem to see how amazing she is and the beauty that she brings to the lives of the people around her.

so this morning, i was listening to matt chandler from the village church while i was running and his message was about living on mission. he talked about how everything about us is the way it is because God had something in mind for it...our bodies, the time we live in, the people around us, the place we live and work, everything. i often try to make it seem like my job is something that i endure so i can make money that i can put to use in the the things that are actually important to me (God, family, random indie music, etc.). but this is so contrary to what is true! i am in my job...i fly airplanes...i'll go to new jersey in may because God wants to drop me in a new environment with the goal of pointing at him! i don't have to get up in people's face about it, but i need to embrace God as part of ALL of my life instead of compartmentalizing work, and home, and God, and whatever. i need to go into my house today (hopefully i can make it home in the aftermath of the blizzard)... anyway, i need to go into the house with the primary goal of pointing at God...showing the grace and love of God to my amazing wife, to my children. i think that if we can embrace this, then alot of the frustration that is so present in life will just melt. it is NOT my job to force my kids into some moral standard. it is my job to point them towards God in a way that they will see his love as the most important thing in this world. so easy to type this...now i (we) just need to live it...

Kate's quote of the day

When discussing bathroom privacy with daddy...

"You go potty in the toilet...I've seen it...it's like a water fountain"

how's that for a deep thought of the day?

I'd forget my head...best frustrating moment ever

Random...last Friday, I had an early appointment at the dentist. Didn't want to have crazy coffee breath while they were cleaning, so I held off until afterwards and picked up Starbucks on the way to work. I probably should've called Sara to see if she wanted one, but being the occasionally inconsiderate person I am, I just rolled on to work. About a half hour later, she called asking if I went to Starbucks...yeah, busted. Anyway, I decided to do the right thing and go get one for her and drop it off. So after I get back to work I'm getting out of the car...and of course I forgot my hat at home. Dad always said I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached. Anyway, I curse my way home...so frustrated with pretty much everything. I storm into the house, grab the hat, and start towards the door.

That's when Justin yells out..."I love you Daddy!" First time he ever said it...

Now...logically, I know that Justin really doesn't get the idea of love yet. I know that he probably said that because I always tell him I love him before I head out the door. But really, it doesn't matter. Hearing my kid say that is awesome, even if he doesn't really get it. Made my day.

Interesting how we never really stop to think how similar our relationships with our kids are to God's relationship with us. Do I really understand what it is to love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength? Not by a mile...but does that make my random cry of "I love you God" any less meaningful to him?

I hope it makes his day

Purity Equals Potential & Our Greatest Idol

Pastor Mark Batterson at our Church (NCC) said something today during the sermon that I loved. He said "purity equals potential." He later tied this to our motives. I think that this holds true in almost every facet of life that truly matters. Pure motives really do determine our potential. I can pour everything into my job. I can work my butt off to be the best pilot or the best military leader the Air Force has ever seen, but if I am only doing it for self-advancement, then what good is it? What potential for lasting gain is there in this back-stabbing culture that we in the military (and in the business world) have not only allowed, but encouraged? This goes the same for anything. I can pour everything out for my children and my wife. I can give them everything they could possibly want. But is that really worthwhile if I have no true love for them? Anyway...thought it was an awesome insight. I have a personal distrust for those (myself included) that only do good when it gains them something. Do the right thing!!! If good things come your way, then celebrate them...but do not live for them.

2nd thought from his message...He talked about idols. This hit a note with me because I've thought before about writing a piece on the idols we don't really acknowledge. So...I honestly think that for most of us in the US, our greatest idol IS our country. We think that because our country was based on Christian principles, then God must have our country's best interests at the center of his plan. How does this compute under the gospel? At what point did nationalism and evangelical christianity get all tied up? Someone I love and respect recently said something that almost made me cry. I was talking to this person about the US possibly detaining people in countries with lighter restrictions on torture so that we could 'extract information'. This person responded with..."So?"

When did we (believers) adopt the belief that American lives are more valuable than any others? How can we claim to celebrate the love and grace of God if we are ok with torture in the name of any man-made institution? Derek Webb recently put out a song called American Flag Umbrella. In it, he included the following lyrics. I think they're amazing and I think I'll round this out with them...

I know a way out of hell

We raise all our enemies' children

After they've murdered ours

We affix all their scars to our walls

So there's heartbreak for everyone

Thoughts after reading 'The Shack'

So Sara bought this book a couple weeks ago and told me I should read it. I gotta say that this was one of the most interesting novels I've read in a while. For me, this book highlighted some serious issues in my 'relationship' with God. We who claim to believe in Christ have a tendency to talk about having a "personal relationship" with Jesus...but what does that really mean? It's not like any of us have really spent a weekend with physical embodiments of God like the character did in this book. So many people today (and always) have called for shaking off our religion and moving more towards freedom...but how do we really do this? If we're truly called to just love God and live life...HOW do we love God? As for me...I definitely have trouble making God a part of every facet in my life. How do we love someone that we have our heads, but rarely our hearts, wrapped around? Either way, I'm comforted by the knowledge that God loves us and has his (our) best interests at heart...even when we let our doubts, assumptions, or even our religion lead us into confusion.